If you aren’t headed briskly towards that garden, then get rid of your congestion and smell the fragrance. Let it draw your soul to the garden. {Rumi}
Island Poppy and her garden Photo by Lisa L. Day
I have spent many posts trying to get all that negativity out. I needed to sort out my feelings of anger and pain because I never do. It is EXHAUSTING and I am over it. It has been a very cathartic experience…..I have read back and I was borderline whining which is not very attractive but nonetheless it has been a good, cleansing experience. In other words it was congestion and I had to get rid of it and now that I have I am beginning to smell the sweet fragrance of that garden that is my spirit and my life.
Anna’s Garden Photo by Lisa L. Day
In his book The Art of Happiness His Holiness the Dalai Lama said “The purpose of our existence is to seek happiness”. I have read that over and over and what a powerful statement that is. The very PURPOSE of our existence is to SEEK happiness. Well….I am going to take him up on that. I have been working very hard seeing that the people I love have happiness and I was getting it all wrong. I was robbing them of the experience of SEEKING their own happiness and I was certainly ripping my self off by not seeking my own.
So I want to point out some of the positives of certain people and experiences of my most recent past. In other words as angry as I have been I don’t want to be unfair…..there was some kindness and goodness along the way for no one is all good or all bad. I need to share the goodness now and move on to other topics.
Eric’s Place Photo by Lisa L. Day
While I was living with my parents for the five months preceding my fathers death David, my ex husband, upon occasion would come and stay the weekend with my parents so I could go home and get a break. He would often come over and sit with my dad watching a good game on TV so that my dad had company of another sports fanatic and I could go and do something else. He also would bring food over on those days I just didn’t have the energy to cook anything. He would call and check in and offered support. In fact he is the only one that consistently offered and provided help. I know there were times he absolutely did not want to do it but he did and for that I will always be so grateful. If you are reading this David thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Once I had my mother full time things became more difficult. She needed help going to the bathroom and getting from her power chair to the bed and vice versa. That limited my options for time away. My friend Eileen stepped up and helped me on many occasions and I felt so at ease that I was able to go and breathe with relief. She was my maid of honor when I got married. But she was also my mothers care giver so I could have a day without having to care for my mother. She also stayed with my mother when Ron and I went back to Catalina last January to find a house for my mother.
Yellow flowers in Santa Barbara Photo by Lisa L. Day
My dad’s cousin George and his wife Donna came by everyday to see my dad before he died. Literally George especially came by everyday after work and would talk to my dad. He is in the medical field so he would often answer questions or allay fears my father had. Sometimes he was there for 5 minutes and sometimes much more but he was always there.
I cannot list all that Ron did. It was hard when I was living with my parents because my dad didn’t like him for a stupid reason. So Ron couldn’t visit really but every weekend he would drive down and bring my Rainy Day and we would hike, or go eat lunch, or just sit outside and talk. He was there on the phone for me without fail…it didn’t matter what he was doing at the time….if I called he would drop what he was doing to pick up the phone. After my dad passed away he handled everything because by then I was almost catatonic. He continued to handle all the little details of life for both my mother and I such as paying bills, grocery shopping, everything. He would often shove me out the door to go see my horse and he would take care of my mother. The love he offered was endless. I could not have survived the last two years without him.
It was the little gifts of time and comic relief or whatever that kept me going and they were such gifts for me and my parents both. These were the very things that made the last two years bearable for me so I did not want to end all my pitiful rantings without telling you about the goodness that was there in my life. These small random acts of kindness went a long way for me.
California Poppies Photo by Lisa L. Day
Now that my job as a care giver is over I have to learn how to just be. Happiness is out there and I am learning it can be found in the oddest places. Its a smile on a strangers face as you pass on a sidewalk. Its the playful tail wags of happy dogs when I drive by The Bark Park. Its the happy gurgle of a baby in response to her mothers smiles as she waits to give her order in the coffee line. I find it in a soft breeze that ruffles my hair against my cheek. I see it when I see mule deer does and their little ones peacefully eating in a meadow or the silly call of a magpie. I have found it in my husbands touch and the kisses of my puppy.
From this point forward I am going try and follow my nose to the garden. If there is some congestion I will get rid of it but always with the goal of heading to the garden. My Spirit Journey has picked up a new directive…..to seek happiness along the way. It is my right as a human being to be happy or to at least go looking for happiness. This just makes the journey even more exciting and so without further ado I am going to get on my Peace Train and start seeking today.
Lisa
